Creepy Crawly Number 5 - The Bee (that took over the World)
The Swarm
* The creepy crawly up for show;
The African Bee is known to be lethal with its sting proving fatal in many
cases. For years, scientists have believed the dreaded insect would fly over
the ocean and find its way onto American soil. Science’s worst nightmare comes
true, when millions of African Killer Bees rock up in rural Texas and wreak
havoc in the surrounding areas.
* How they are portrayed in this film; Bees are busy little creatures, pollinating flowers, making honey and hanging out in hives. They actually play an integral part to your eco-system, and for a full explanation of that grab yourself a copy of Jerry Seinfeld’s “Bee Movie” ha-ha. In this film, the swarm move about like a black cloud filling the blue sky, going anyway they please, stinging whatever and whoever they find. Working together as they always do, these bees are more interested in eradicating the human race than doing anything good for nature.
* The humans who try to squash them; The Swarm has a big cast of big name stars from the 1970’s, led by the ever-reliable Michael Caine. He plays scientist Bradford Crane who’s been tracking the swarm of bees to a top-secret military base where we find them at the start of the film. When the Air Force rock up to figure out why the bases crew are dead, Dr. Crane emerges without a sting on him, and warns the General of the impending doom. In the nearby town of Marysville, an assortment of supporting characters are introduced, and in rather long scenes. None of them are believable characters, and even in the hands of some talented actors of the time, their cheesy dialogue and silly motivations can’t be excused. It’s the humans who kill this picture. The writing is silly, there pacing is inconsistent, and the acting is directed with no inspiration. Clocking in at a way-too-long two hours and thirty-five minutes in length, The Swarm could have ditched most of its characters sub-plots and scenes and just focus on the little stingers. Even Michael Caine admits he did this film for the money.
* The grossest moment; despite its many flaws, The Swarm does score a few points for its technical skill in using hundreds of thousands of real bees to stage its attack scenes. As disaster movies were all the rage in the 1970’s, one of the genre’s key auteurs of the time (director Irwin Allen) stages some crafty scenes. There are no real gross moments so to speak, but I will mention a couple of bizarre ones. Early in the film, after a young buy is stung but survives, he is in hospital recovering from the attack. The strength of the bee’s poison is causing him to hallucinate, and as Michael Cine leans over his bed to talk to him the boy sees a giant bee hovering above his bed, twitching and wriggling. It’s camp, over the top and downright weird, and oddly enough, is a vision the film returns to again later in the film.
Look, The Swarm is almost three
hours of viewing time, and of my life, I will never get back, and I struggled
to maintain interest in the film during its longer, slower scenes that don’t
really go anywhere. I have to speculate if the cast wondered what the hell they
were doing making such a film, but in Hollywood, if an actor wants to be
working regularly, they have to be in a shit film at some point.
In finishing this review, indulge
me a little as I say… this film had a lot of buzz when released, and the people
just didn’t swarm to the theatre to see it and sadly, even with all its money
it just didn't deliver the honey. Also, with such a hive of excitement
surrounding it, the film lacks any real sting to it, and you'd do better to let
this one fly away. You can Bee sure of that! You’re Welcome.
Continue onto "Creepy Crawly Number 6..."
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